Dear Young Bosses,
Relationships can be a blessing or a curse when you’re young and in love. Relationships can be the most inconveniencing when you’re a budding entrepreneur building your brand. When do you find time to devote to your significant other when you’re also a student, with several part time jobs, active in your community and enjoying your own life? Do you ever feel selfish or guilty when you can’t spend time with that special someone because you’re attending events and networking for your business? Should all of the drama that comes with “talking”, “dating”, “being in a relationship” be placed on your life’s back burner until you’re…40? Lets ask a self-proclaimed relationship expert.
Welcome to AimerAmour‘s New Series: LOVE or MONEY? In this space, young entrepreneurs will pose questions to our columnist, Americk Lewis and other guest columnists about finding a balance between one’s personal and professional life.
Dear Americk, Do you think it is better for a female to be assertive when she has interest in a guy, or should guys be the only ones pursuing women?
A woman can initiate contact with a man, but I feel it is best for him to make the first move. As men, we treat dating like shopping: we usually know what we want.
My good friend Damion said it best: In the game of Cat and Mouse the one who does the chasing gets F@#%. I don’t want to say it’s a waste of time for the female to be the aggressor, but I believe that a man should have to court his woman and work very hard for her. Why? So he can appreciate her when he gets her.
An ex of mine recently wrote this dude she has a huge crush on a long love letter. If she had spoken to me, I would have warned her not to do so, and not out of jealousy either.
Guess what happened? He responded with “let’s see how things go.” Now this guy is in a huge position of power. She is nervous as God-knows-what, and she has the short end of the stick. A female should never feel nervous about how a dude feels about her. She should be confident in his feelings towards her. Women are naturally insecure so it’s not good for them to have added pressure. If a man feels somewhat insecure then it’s actually good, because that will keep him motivated, and that’s exactly what most men need: some motivation.
Now, I won’t say a female looks desperate if she makes a first move, but I can say this: I know of not one long-term, successful relationship where the girl was the aggressor. I know there are some out there, but I have my theories on why most of the time it doesn’t work.
As a man, I can say this first-hand, and be very blunt about it: We are just in it for the sex most of the time. Most of what we do on this earth roots back to obtaining sex in some sort way or the other, so when a girl approaches a man, it’s like getting a free meal at Applebees–and notice I said Applebees. It’s like, “Ohhh today is my lucky day…. yes!!!”
In most cases, a guy would brag to his friend and say, “Dude, I don’t even have to put in any work with this one she’s ready!” Men are particularly lazy in my opinion when it comes to courting women. I know I have been lazy for many years! We will put in tons of work, be super romantic and caring until the day we get the ass. “After he gets the Nana things turn to Caca.” Ladies, you know it’s true! Things pretty much go downhill from there, and rather quickly.
I attribute this kind of lazy behavior to the fact that men are so low-matinence. Men do not typically know what it feels like to have to always get the nails done, get the hair done, get the makeup just right, shave every three days, pick out the proper matching underwear, stay on a strict diet and learn to dance like Beyonce in heels. This is a ton of work that a woman must do that men could not even fathom. Ladies are trained from a very young age to be extremely responsible and to pay attention to details. Even a hood rat makes sure her weave and nails are at least done every week, regardless of how ghetto it may look. Long story short: women are used to putting a huge effort into everything that they do in life.
Men, on the other hand: we work and we make money and all, but we do it on a mission. We work at trying to find ways that we can make some more money easier and faster so we can leave work earlier and get some A.S.S. It all comes back full circle to what I was speaking on before. Therefore, if the girl is already showing her cards and the man doesn’t have to put in too much effort to get her, then why in the world would he?
If a man wants you he will let it be known. He will travel the world for you; he would even hire a marching band! I have seen it done, and actually I plan on doing it myself right now for this girl. (Only kidding, but women approaching guys just puts men in a bad place.)
Typically men will ask themselves this question, “She’s not bad …. hmmm how can I hit this without any strings attached?” And if a guy has a girlfriend you’d be lucky if he is honest about it. Not to mention men suck at rejecting women! We just do not know how to do it well. We are not nurtured in this field. I have been rejected by girls ever since Kindergarten. Women are so use rejecting men and men aren’t used to having that option. So my advice is this: be patient, work on yourself, and be the best “You” that you can be (and that does not mean trying to be Alicia Keys or Brooklyn Decker). Pay men no mind, and Mr. Right will come knocking; I can promise you this. Trust me I know what I’m talking about.
Americk Lewis, was born and raised in New York City. He spent much of his childhood hanging out with his older sister and her girlfriends where he learned to see life from a female perspective. Americk Lewis has an extensive dating history. Lewis has had relationships with women of all races from various counties, social classes, and other walks of life. Lewis proclaims “I am that guy who every other guy and girl is fortunate to know and have available for advice on everything especially relationships. I am definitely one of a kind with a perspective like no other. Don’t take my word for it though see for yourself.”
follow Americk Lewis on twitter @americklewis
Article Edited by: Katie Siegel